Day 11 – Let’s talk about sex

My partner and I have not had sex in about 4 days.  I really want to because I enjoy it and afterwards, I feel relaxed.  If I don’t have sex then I believe that my body is not getting nourished.  I  believe that sex is food for the body and one is more rejuvenated and able to take on the world if they have had the opportunity to express sexually in the physical.  Sex to me feels good when I orgasm, like I have released a lot of tension.  I feel cleared and not so wound up with my own stress.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that my partner is unstable and needs the stability of myself to go forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don’t have sex than my body won’t be nourished and things will be more difficult to manage in my day.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I don’t feel good if I haven’t had sex in a few days is because I have accumulated energy within myself through participating within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse sex in self-interest so that I can feel a certain way without any regard for the physical, or what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate my partner into having sex with me, when she does not want to, so that I can get my way in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to support my partner in a way that I would like to be supported if she did not want to have sex.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider my partner and the stage that she is at in her own process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of ‘my partner not allowing us to have sex for extended periods of time’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of ‘my partner not allowing us to have sex for extended periods of time’, and the negative emotion of fear, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use manipulation tactics to play on her weaker character flaws in order to try and avoid my fear of us not having sex for long periods of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of ‘if I don’t have sex, I will be more pent up and I won’t be able to think clearly or interact socially as well and my performance at work will go down’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of ‘if I don’t have sex, I will be more pent up in my mind and I won’t be able to think clearly or interact socially with others as well, and my performance at work will go down’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that my ‘performance’ at work is really like a stage show, where I play a character that tries to impress those that have a stake in deciding whether or not I will keep my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of ‘my performance at work not impressing those that have a stake in whether or not I will continue to remain employed (my bosses)’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of ‘my performance at work not impressing those that have a stake in whether or not I will remain employed (my bosses)’, and the negative emotion of fear, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that even if my performance does not impress my bosses, I will still be here in the physical as life, except if I go into the possession of fear.

When and as I see myself go into fear over not having sex for an extended period of time, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am. 

I see/realize/understand that I am here, and when I go into the thought of not having sex, I am taking myself away from here, and creating separation and consequences within my world.

I see/realize/understand that even though sexual expression may be food for the body, a body can function easily simply with food, water, sleep, and shelter/clothing.

I commit myself to supporting myself to remain here in the moment and stopping the fear of not having sex, by following my breathe and realizing that people survive all of the time without having sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat ‘my partner is destroying me and her by not having sex’, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand the irony that when I accept and allow the backchat as myself, I am actually sabotaging and destroying our relationship and myself at the same time.

I commit myself to stop the backchat in the moment of my partner not wanting to have sex with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the thought of ‘my partner will not agree to have sex with me’, and the negative emotion of anger, by accepting and allowing myself to define anger within the thought of my partner will not have sex with me when I want it, outside and separate from myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/relaize/understand where it is that I am being self-dishonest, through accepting and allowing anger.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am equal to and one with my partner, and if I was having resistances to sex and was stressed out, the last thing that I would want is my partner breathing down my neck trying to manipulate me into having sex.

I commit myself to treat my partner as I would like to be treated, and stopping the manipulation and anger in trying to have sex, and remaining patient and supportive the way that I would like to be.

Day 10 - Happy Go-Lucky Character Self-Corrective Statement

 

When and as I see another in a state of scatteredness, where it appears that it is hard to find the words for something, and they are not being clear and directive, and I start to go into a state of judgment, towards them, seeing them as less than, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am.

I see/realize/understand that I am actually looking at a part of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, and when I go into superiority in comparison with this person for them not being fluent in their communication, I actually accept and allow fear and inferiority to exist within myself and will judge face this later on, as I have created it through separation in that moment of judgment.

I see/realize/understand that I have the exact same moments where I can’t gather myself together, or am in some kind of emotional state that I have created through self-interest where I am scattered.

I see/realize/understand that I am equal to and one with the tone of voice that I may hear in another, as it is my perception of how that person is talking that I perceive, which comes from myself.

I commit myself to stop the judgment of a stutter, or the tone that a person might speak with and remain here to support them as I would like to be supported.

I commit myself to support that person as I would like to be supported, by being patient in the moment, and listening to the specific words they are speaking in the moment, instead of the tones of voice or any stutters I hear.

When and as I see myself in an emotional state where I am scattered, things are foggy and I fear others around me are starting to see me as this fog and not someone that is sharp and important, I stop and I breathe, and remain in the moment as the expression of who I am.

I see/realize/understand that in the moment of fogginess and state of disarray, I am still here, even with the state that I am in.

I see/realize/understand that I have created the state that I am currently in through my own acceptances and allowances.

I see/realize/understand that by going into the character of ‘happy-go’lucky’ to ‘try and pull the wool over others eyes’ so that they won’t see this state I am in, I am actually in fear of others changing their opinion of me, and when I am in this fear, I proliferate separation and abuse and prevent my own self-change to what is best for all.

I see/realize/understand that in believing that in trying to pull the wool over other people’s eyes, I am actually pulling the wool over my own eyes and only deceiving myself only moving further and further away from the truth of myself.

I see/realize/understand that others that I see as wise/important or not wise/important are simply parts of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, and am therefore equal to and one with them.

I commit myself to remind myself in those moments where I am foggy, and things are not clear that I am still here, and that I have created this experience of myself through my own acceptances and allowances.

I commit myself to support myself to do what is best for all, by stopping the actions of the happy go-lucky character, and remain here in the moment to face my own creation of myself.

I commit myself to stop the fear in the moment of others judging me as less than and feeling awkward towards me, by reminding myself of my breathe and grounding myself to  the physical world I live in through feeling my fingers and toes.

I commit myself to support myself to stop the fear of others judging me as less than for not being wise/important by stopping the valuing of others in how wise/important I perceive them to be, and realizing that all that is in this world as the physical is of equal value.

Day 9 - Happy-Go-Lucky Character Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the happy go-lucky character in order to try to control the reaction of others and the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am actually controlling the situation or the reaction of others when I go into a happy-go-lucky-entertaining type of character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am actually being controlled and directed through my own fears in these moments, and am not in fact controlling anything, but in fact being controlled.

I forgive myself to blatantly try to manipulate and deceive in order to get another riled up so that I can ‘control’ the situation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I play this happy-go-lucky character, I am in fact playing this character out of fear of being seen as less than/weaker-than.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I see someone that is not stable in a moment act hyper and happy go-lucky, like my friend ‘J’, I am in fact showing myself a part of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from.

I commit myself to regain my stability when I am acting hyper in a moment through relaxing my body, and following my breath in the moment feeling my fingers and toes to get back to here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by going into a dizziness, I am actually accepting and allowing fear in that moment, and can assist myself by asking myself and investigating self-honestly what I am actually specifically afraid of losing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I act in a happy go-lucky hyper manner, I am in fact acting in character within fear and separation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I go into this character because I have a fear of losing what I have defined myself in the moment, which is importance and respect among my peers as a person that is wise/insightful/aware/smart/stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of ‘my peers seeing me as less than, because I am ‘scattered’ in moments’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of ‘my peers seeing me as less than, because I am ‘scattered’ in moments’, and the negative emotion of fear, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the reason why I fear the thought of others judging me as less than for being scattered/hyper, is because I have judged others in the moment as less than, when I see them displaying the same attributes of hyperness/not stringing words together fluently and changing their tone of voice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am equal to and one with these people that I see in this state, and when I judge them as less than, I am in fact creating fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the stability that I look to be, is in fact within myself to see/realize/understand as myself, just have not given myself the opportunity to live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in the belief that I am somebody that people look up to, and am very important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-importance within impressing on others that I am smart, sharp, clever, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that importance is within everything within my world as the physical as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the way other people may look at me when I am in a dazed and confused state in the belief that they see me as not important and someone that will only amount to dirt and won’t be able to have any influence in this world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am in fact dirt from this earth, just as another that I work with is also, as we are one and equal as the dirt of this earth in the physical.

Day 8 - Self-dishonest Self-forgiveness

 

My ulterior motive.

Earlier today I started writing self-forgiveness, which I later realized was spawned from a fear that I was going to miss out on a job opportunity if I didn't do the self-forgiveness.  I was really looking to self-forgiveness for a quick fix to my fear, so that I could get this job, and in the moment I failed to realize that I was frantically rushing through the self-forgiveness because I was late for work.  I was not walking with integrity in what was best for all at all.  I was looking at my own self-interest and hiding away my fears of failing to get a job offer that I was satisfied with.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in doing self-forgiveness out of fear, I am actually acting in self-interest, fear and separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rush a point out of self-interest, and not realize that if a point has not been walked in all dimensions, the opportunity still remains for it to creep back.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to take the time, step by step, here in the moment to walk a point in all of its dimensions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only walk the points that are in my own self-interest to do so.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the consequences to myself and all when I do self-forgiveness in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I follow self-interest, I walk the path of harm and abuse towards myself and others, where I will have to face myself and my harm eventually.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am only prolonging and building on the consequences when I do anything in self-interest, especially self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I put off the consequences and 'kick the can down the road' that eventually the consequences from my creation through separation will disapear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself into the false sense of godliness and center of my universe as the only one that matters.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I am the only one that matters here, as I am the main character in my story that I have created.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to refuse to gift myself the opportunity to see the truth of myself in fear of who and what I have become.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to dare to get to know myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of what it might be like if I actually got to see myself as who and what I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to push myself to do what is best for all.

When and as I see myself start writing self-forgiveness frantically, out of fear that I won’t progress or get something that I need, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am.

I see/realize/understand that my actions of doing hurriedly doing self-forgiveness only mask myself as who and what I have become, and I am not in fact revealing myself.

I see/realize/understand that in deceiving myself to do self-forgiveness in fear, I am still acting in separation and leaving the door open for self-abuse and abuse towards others.

I see/realize/understand that I only compound the consequences when I do actions such as self-forgiveness in fear in self-dishonesty.

I commit myself to stop the self-deception i currently accept and allow, through pushing myself to get to see who and what I have become in reality.

I commit myself to gift myself the opportunity to see the truth, as ugly as it may actually be, and move and push towards that which is best for all.

I commit myself to support myself to stop the fear of myself by remaining in the moment as the expression of who I am in breath here, feeling my fingers and feet.

 I commit myself to move, here, in the moment even if slow, in the respect and consideration towards my physical body and others.

I commit myself to stop the self-deception and move in self-honesty here in breathe in every moment and every breath and investigate moments where I write self-forgiveness within separation and fear.

Day 7 - Losing Control and Stability

I feel dizzy/malaise sometimes when I eat certain foods or drink things.

When I do feel dizzy and I am around others like at work or my partners family, I feel almost a bit of panic because I feel like I am not being myself in that moment and that I am scaring another or they will now have a different impression of me as this weaker-than type person.  So then I start to become 'entertaining' to them by taking on this happy go-lucky type of character, so that they laugh and feel comfortable, all in a manipulative and deceptive way, although I’m not sure if I have pulled the wool over their eyes. 

In that moment before I put on this character, it feels like I’m lost in those moments and will lose control over myself and how I perceive things.  I usually have such a clear state of mind and can comprehend my world in stability.  When my mind is clear, I usually can read people really well, and I have knowledge and information or some kind of insightful thing about a topic at the tip of my tounge.  But when I am dizzy/malaise after eating certain foods and drinks, everything just becomes so scrambled and I don’t explain something properly to someone so they can understand it, and it’s hard to listen and pay attention, and I end up just trying to keep control of the situation by being a clown.  I smile a lot and I laugh and I try to get others ‘riled’ up in that moment mostly so they don't notice that I feel dizzy and confused.

I really try to hold it together, but I really don’t like this situation, as I feel like I’m about to do something completely out of the ordinary and say or act or do something, completely out of character and crazy, so I try and hold it all together and fight my way through the situation to keep it together.