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Monday 7 April 2014

Day 59 - You're not hearing me! (Part III)




For context please refer to:



In the last post I focused on self-forgiveness on the topic of communication with my partner. In this post, I will create the script for myself for future situations where I am communicating with my partner, so that we can get on the same page as each other, and not have to proliferate any conflict further.

When and as I see myself get angry and frustrated and blame my partner for not listening to me, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am. I see/realize/understand that in blaming my partner in frustration, I am actually showing myself what I am in fact doing that is self-dishonest, which is actually not listening to her. I see/realize/understand that in these moments, I have already conned myself into believing that my belief/opinion/perception is right, and that what she is saying is wrong and misguided/misdirected and generally just missed the mark. I see/realize/understand that blaming somebody else for the same thing that I am doing, is the highest form of self-manipulation that I can impose on myself, showing me just how delusional I really am. I commit myself to use the 'queue's' of blaming another to support myself in seeing what I am actually self-dishonestly doing in my own life to others. I commit myself to stop any form of blame towards somebody in the moment, especially towards my partner in apparently not listening to me, and instead take self-responsibility for that same action. I commit myself to actually listen 100% to every word that my partner is saying in the moment. I commit myself to stop trying to CON-vince myself and my partner that my opinion/belief/perspective is correct, and instead place myself in my partner's shoes, as I listen to the words that she speaks.

When and as I see myself dismiss my partner as irrational and wrong, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am. I see/realize/understand that in dismissing my partner as irrational and wrong, I am subtly judging and separating myself from my partner and thus will not ever get to the point of 'being on the same page' in absolute understanding and agreement when taking this approach. I see/realize/understand that in conning myself into believing I am right, I am sabotaging any chance of having not only a relationship with another person, but also having a relationship with myself in self-honesty. I see/realize/understand that without common sense evidence of what is best for all, it is impossible to say what is best for all, and may take investigation of reality. I commit myself to stop the judgment of my partner as being irrational and consider her perspective to be able to place myself in her shoes effectively. I commit myself to stop the belief of my opinion being right in the absence of common sense evidence and only forming my opinion and belief based on what I feel or the opinions of others.

When and as I see myself get 'defensive' or getting upset in seeing my partner appearing to be aggressive and angry towards me, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am. I see/realize/understand that in 'taking it personally' when my partner is being angry towards me, I am showing to myself how I abdicate my self-directive principle in accepting and allowing myself to go into automatic reactions through a certain trigger, instead of choosing to remain in stability here to effectively direct the situation in what is best for all. I see/realize/understand that by participating in automatic energetic reactions on the trigger of my partner reacting, I am reinforcing the habit of reacting in us both, which prevents us to moving towards any solutions in stability. I see/realize/understand that when I maintain my stability in the moment, and stop the reactions, I am able to effectively direct the situation towards understand and a solution that is best for both of us. I see/realize/understand that I may not actually be the source of my partners directed anger and reactions towards me, as there are most likely other things in her world that have added up over time, causing her to 'boil-over'. I see/realize/understand that her 'venting' just happens to be directed at me because I spend the most time with her out of most people in the world. I see/realize/understand that I if react to her reacting, I am basically saying that her reactions are justified, as I am accepting and allowing the exact same venting towards her too. - I commit myself to breathe in the moments when moving into reaction to maintain my stability, so that the situation can be directed effectively. I commit myself to realize in these moments, that no solution or change will actually be reached if I accept and allow myself to move into reactions when she reacts. I commit myself to not take her venting personally in the realization that because I spend the most amount of time with her in her life, this venting is most likely going to be directed at me. I commit myself to be the example here of how I would like others to express towards me, which is not to take things out on me.


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