I was looking back
at a memory
where I was in a situation where I thought
that I could be taken advantage of. I had something in my possession
that, in hindsight was not very valuable, but at that time
I cherished and was scared to lose it.
In this situation, I
didn't trust this other person and the people that they were with, and thought
they were going to take this object away.
The order of the
pattern looking back is as follows (and I can see now that this is a very
common pattern among most everyone in the
world):
1) I feel good
having this object in my possession
4) I believe now
that I am in competition
with this other person or group to ultimately end
up with the possession.
5) I believe that
whoever ends up with possession is dominant and more powerful (ultimately
better).
7) I believe that I
have done something clever and feel dominant and more powerful
8) I occupy myself thinking
about how clever and dominant I am, over and over.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust a guy that I ‘didn’t
really know very well’.
I forgive myself
that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in not trusting another, I am
showing to myself that I don’t trust myself.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear
the thought of ‘the guy I don’t really know taking advantage of me, and
claiming dominance over me by taking my little baggy of weed’.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect
the thought of ‘the guy I don’t really know taking advantage of me, and
claiming dominance over me by taking my little baggy of weed’, and the
negative emotion
of fear, thus I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear
my own fear.
I forgive myself
that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by
going into fear
of another taking dominance over me, I am in fact actually giving
permission to the mind to have
dominance over me in accepting
and allowing fear
and distrust towards another.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed separation
to exist between myself and people that I don’t know and that I judge
as unstable, instead of accepting and allowing myself to remain here
and assess
a situation, the risks and the consequential outflows of making certain
decisions.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to label and judge
another person as untrustworthy and abusive,
when I actually haven’t seen
them doing anything abusive.
I forgive myself
that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the self-interest
that I apparently see in another person is really the self-interest that exists
within myself as it is reflected back to me in the interpretation of myself.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be in
competition with another person and so must stay one step ahead of them, and
come up with ways to strategize to beat them.
I forgive myself
that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that being
in competition with someone, is telling me that I am simply in competition with
myself.
I forgive myself
that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when
being in competition with myself, I will always just end up fucking myself over
and limit myself to internal/external conflict,
instead of realizing the potential
of equally working together
with another as myself.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the thought of
making a strategic move that seems to better my position in comparison
with another in competition, and the positive
feeling
of power and control,
by accepting and allowing myself to define power and control
within the thought of ‘making a strategic move that gives me the
impression that I have moved
myself into a less compromising position in comparison with another in
competition, outside and separate from myself.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself that into thinking
that by ‘being in a better position’ from the starting point of self-interest,
that I am reaching a point of control
and power in my life,
instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that the
mere fact of comparing
myself to another, not trusting
them, and then being in competition with them as myself, I have in fact given
up freely my power and control to the mind
through participating in these energetic
pre-programmed loops/cycles/patterns.
I forgive myself
that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take back my self-directive
principle, through stopping the fear of
others, through stopping comparison and competition with another, and instead
getting to know another as myself, in the realization that we are in fact one
and equal.
I forgive myself
that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the conflict
I may have with another person is the reflection of internal conflict and separation
that exists within myself.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the reaction
of 'feeling good'
when I perceive myself to be in a more dominant position where I know I am
protecting my object, instead of accepting and allowing myself to
see/realize/understand that I when I 'feel good'
about reaching an apparent point of domination, it is actually the point when
the mind
'feel's good' because it has reached a point of total domination over the physical
body in possession.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to replay a moment over and over where
I believe that I made a clever move to place myself in a position of dominance,
re-enforcing and validating the imaginations
dominance.
I forgive myself
that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when
I re-enforce a memory
by thinking about it over and over replaying it in my mind, I am
re-enforcing the chains from myself to that memory,
and building an addictive and unhealthy obsession
towards the feeling that the memory
has attached to it, which will eventually have consequences
of seeking to live out or replay that memory,
in spite of the abuse towards another that it may cause.
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