I feel dizzy/malaise sometimes when I eat certain foods or drink things.
When I do feel
dizzy and I am around others like at work or my partners family, I feel almost
a bit of panic because I feel like I am not being myself in that moment and that
I am scaring another or they will now have a different impression of me as this
weaker-than type person. So then I start to
become 'entertaining' to them by taking on this happy go-lucky type of character,
so that they laugh and feel comfortable, all in a manipulative and deceptive
way, although I’m not sure if I have pulled the wool over their eyes.
In that moment before I put on this character,
it feels like I’m lost in those moments and will lose control over myself and how I perceive things. I usually have such a clear state of mind and
can comprehend my world in stability. When my mind is
clear, I
usually can read people really well, and I have knowledge and information or
some kind of insightful thing about a topic at the tip of my tounge. But when I am dizzy/malaise after eating
certain foods and drinks, everything just becomes so scrambled and I don’t
explain something properly to someone so they can understand it, and it’s hard
to listen and pay attention, and I end up just trying to keep control of the situation by
being a clown. I smile a lot and I laugh
and I try to get others ‘riled’ up in that moment mostly so they don't notice that I feel dizzy and confused.
I really try
to hold it together, but I really don’t like this situation, as I feel like I’m
about to do something completely out of the ordinary and say or act or do
something, completely out of character and crazy, so I try and hold it all
together and fight my way through the situation to keep it together.
No comments:
Post a Comment