Day 9 - Happy-Go-Lucky Character Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the happy go-lucky character in order to try to control the reaction of others and the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am actually controlling the situation or the reaction of others when I go into a happy-go-lucky-entertaining type of character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am actually being controlled and directed through my own fears in these moments, and am not in fact controlling anything, but in fact being controlled.

I forgive myself to blatantly try to manipulate and deceive in order to get another riled up so that I can ‘control’ the situation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I play this happy-go-lucky character, I am in fact playing this character out of fear of being seen as less than/weaker-than.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I see someone that is not stable in a moment act hyper and happy go-lucky, like my friend ‘J’, I am in fact showing myself a part of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from.

I commit myself to regain my stability when I am acting hyper in a moment through relaxing my body, and following my breath in the moment feeling my fingers and toes to get back to here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by going into a dizziness, I am actually accepting and allowing fear in that moment, and can assist myself by asking myself and investigating self-honestly what I am actually specifically afraid of losing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I act in a happy go-lucky hyper manner, I am in fact acting in character within fear and separation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I go into this character because I have a fear of losing what I have defined myself in the moment, which is importance and respect among my peers as a person that is wise/insightful/aware/smart/stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of ‘my peers seeing me as less than, because I am ‘scattered’ in moments’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of ‘my peers seeing me as less than, because I am ‘scattered’ in moments’, and the negative emotion of fear, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the reason why I fear the thought of others judging me as less than for being scattered/hyper, is because I have judged others in the moment as less than, when I see them displaying the same attributes of hyperness/not stringing words together fluently and changing their tone of voice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am equal to and one with these people that I see in this state, and when I judge them as less than, I am in fact creating fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the stability that I look to be, is in fact within myself to see/realize/understand as myself, just have not given myself the opportunity to live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in the belief that I am somebody that people look up to, and am very important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-importance within impressing on others that I am smart, sharp, clever, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that importance is within everything within my world as the physical as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the way other people may look at me when I am in a dazed and confused state in the belief that they see me as not important and someone that will only amount to dirt and won’t be able to have any influence in this world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am in fact dirt from this earth, just as another that I work with is also, as we are one and equal as the dirt of this earth in the physical.