There’s only so many hours in the course of my life. Time is ticking away as the fingers bonk each
keyboard key. And I sit here all day,
playing video games and surfing youtube sites trying to find things that peak
my interest.
I’ve been afforded these luxuries of time-wasting, as I have
some time off at the Christmas holiday, and this is how I chose to use this
time. This shows me the self-interest
that exists within myself and the habits that have formed. Because when I’m clicking away on my computer
playing video games or surfing the web, there is this constant pull, like an
addiction that moves me. To put it
plainly, it is a struggle for me to stop doing these things and continue
self-investigation of myself like this blog writing. There is this great
resistance that almost suggestively attempts to move me away from it, and I really have to
use a will within myself to stay and remain.
There is sometimes a voice within myself that suggests to do
things, and it is usually fairly soothing, and seems to be looking out for my
best interest. It might say something
like, ‘why don’t you take a break from this writing that you’re doing and go to
bed now, like its saying ‘manyana’ (Spanish for tomorrow). And that seems like a nice suggestion, it’s
just that I’ve only been typing for a few minutes. It’s not like I’ve been at this for hours,
and my body is getting tired. In fact, I’ve
been taking a break practically all day, in somewhat of a zombiefied state
where I’ve just been content playing video games and doing whatever it is I feel
like in the moment. I haven’t devoted one minute to
any type of self-investigation to how I function the way I do and why I
function the way I do. I’ve just been
pacified all day.
I find it difficult to do just stay here focused on doing
the process that I have committed to do.
And it makes sense that I would be, because if it were easy, then it
would already be done. It's no wonder the world is the way that is. Because the majority of people like myself are so pacified, that doing anything change things comes with great resistance. And giving into that resistance is really just giving in to self-interest.
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