So, as it turns out, my partner is now pregnant. Potentially up to 9 weeks, although I am
supposed to find out on Thursday for sure.
I see that it is bringing in a bunch of new paranoid fears and other
issues to work through.
First off, is the bickering with my partner. Everything seemed to be going swimmingly,
until today. I imagine that the novelty of
finding out we were both going to be parents wore off. Before today I could see that she
was being pretty patient with me, and even apologizing when she would ‘act out’,
but now the walls are down, and it seems like she is coming full force at
me. Throwing in shots about how I spend
too much time on my computer, and how I should do this or that. It seems that I am carrying the bulk of the housework
as well now, as I have been cooking all meals for her for the past 3 days
(since she found out), and then cleaning up afterward. At first I didn’t mind so much, because I
know that she was feeling nauseous and having trouble eating, except now, I’d
like to get some help. What happened to
this team effort? Anyway she’s
apparently mad at me too, for me ‘acting like a dick’, which I probably
have been.
To be honest, I’m a bit angry/frustrated and just looking to
pick a fight. There are some
dis-agreements between us, and I’m going to use this moment of writing as an
opportunity to use what I've learned in the Desteni Agreement course to dissect the anger that I have towards my partner and use it as a reflection of
myself to see how I have separated a part of myself from myself. Ok, so here goes...Why am I frustrated at my
partner?
My partner is not ‘pulling her weight’ around the house,
when it comes to cooking and cleaning. I
feel like I’m doing all of the work around here now. (Which I know isn’t true, because she is
doing chores as well). When I started
making dinner for the 10th straight meal, I asked for her help, and
she stormed off and told me to make a ‘single-man’s dinner’. This is after I was apparently ‘being a dick
to her’.
Taking self back to self, and looking for moments within my
life where I have done exactly the same thing, I can see that at some points in
time, my partner would cook all of the suppers and I would sit and do other
things. I also see that my partner is in
fact pulling her weight by doing laundry, sweeping the floors, feeding the
dogs. I see that my frustration and
unwillingness to unconditionally help her out has sparked this disagreement as
my anger/frustration only served to fuel the conflict even further
Right now, we are fighting, and I see the best thing to do
is not engage, and breathe as she is venting.
The energy will eventually diminish, and we will both be at the point of
a stability within ourselves, so we can come to an agreement on these things.
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